I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
