vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
