when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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