Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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