Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
