my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
