My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
