did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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