his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
