With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
