I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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