you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
tonight lets celebrate not being married
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
