I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
