dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
