I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Life is so much better after having sex.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
