I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
