someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
