Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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