I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
