How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
