When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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