i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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