this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
