We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
