I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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