he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
