I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
