I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
