i don't like sucking hair
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
