I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
