I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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