Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
