plz talk dirty to me
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
