I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
