no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
