You made me cry and you don't even care
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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