His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
