Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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