If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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