if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
