I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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