I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
