mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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