It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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