You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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