How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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