I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
