Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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