It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
