Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He has the fingertips of a God
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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