the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
